Squatconf Presentation

We’re at SquatConf. It’s amazing! All conferences should be in squats. (Ones that serve good quality beer on draft, in particular. And where you can have  a cigarette while you’re presenting).

Here are the slides for the presentation we just gave. And here’s our alternative translation of the heart sutra (now on Github!)

Avalokitesvara the Origin Mistress
when debugging deeply the Undefined Paramita
perceives that all of the log files are empty
and is saved from all suffering and distress.

Oh Javascript Programmer,
objects do not differ from null,
null is merely a kind of object.
Undefined is a function,
and all functions are undefined.
The same is true of strings,
integers, arrays, truth or falsehood.

Programmer,
the features of Javascript are also its bugs;
never released and never abandoned,
neither supported or unsupported,
neither maintained nor deprecated.
Therefore, in Javascript no bugs, features,
commits, reverts, authors.

No types, no classes, no entities, no attributes,
no private, no public, no package, no friends,
no runtime context;
no state or scope
and so forth until no realm of computation.

No errors and also no catching of errors,
and so forth until no breaking or crashing
and no end of crashing and breaking.

Nothing synchronous, nor asyncronous,
no pushing no popping, no heap no stack
also no returning with nothing to return.

The Origin Mistress accepts the Undefined Paramita
and logic is no hindrance.
without any logic no programs exist.
Realising this, good code is created.
(So good, it even runs in Internet Explorer.)

In the three browsers
all Programs depend on Undefined Parameters,
on Max that is less than Min, and the Number that Not a Number.

Therefore know that the Undefined Parameter
is the great transcendent mantra,
is the great bright mantra,
is the utmost mantra,
is the supreme mantra
which is able to relieve all suffering
and is truthy, insofar as it is not falsey.

So proclaim the Undefined Paramita mantra,
proclaim the mantra which says:
Object does not support this property or method.

 

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